Without You I Am Lost
by Sarahbob
Summary: One-shot. Combeferre has to leave Paris for a few days. When he stays gone longer than intended, Enjolras has a hard time to keep from freaking out. Worried out of his mind, he neglects taking care of himself. When Combeferre finally returns, he has literally worried himself sick.


_(Hi everyone! Another idea that popped in my head. I think it's going to be a one-shot. Enjolras is about 18/19 in this and Combeferre is somewhere around 21/22. Hope you like it!)_

It had been two days now. Two days that Combeferre was supposed to be back from his trip to the countryside and he still wasn't here. When he left on Tuesday he had told Enjolras he would be back home on Friday at the latest. It was Monday morning now and Enjolras was successfully starting to freak out.

He had been waiting for the arrival of his friend all Friday. He'd actually been looking forward to it, because there had been several developments in their plans towards a better future. There were now a few new recruits and the patroness of Café Musain had agreed on letting the Amis use the backroom of the Café for their secret meetings. He couldn't wait to tell his best friend and roommate the good news.

Also, he had passed the first of this terms' exams flawlessly and although no one doubted he would, he secretly really wanted to share the news with Combeferre, because he knew his friend would be proud of him. And he liked making his friend proud.

But Combeferre hadn't showed up that day and Enjolras went to that night's meeting alone. He told himself everything was okay. Anything could've caused the delay of the journey. It could be something as simple as a sick carriage driver or maybe the people he was visiting just needed him a little longer. Come to think of it, Enjolras didn't even know who the people were where Combeferre had gone to. He only knew they were acquaintances from a while back who couldn't afford a doctor and had called upon Combeferre to take a look at their youngest.

The meeting had gone relatively well. Enjolras' speech was inspiring and afterwards they talked politics and enjoyed themselves with the pleasure of friendship and wine. Only Enjolras couldn't enjoy himself to the fullest, his worry for Combeferre ever present.

Courfeyrac, also one of Enjolras' closest friends, noticed and had confronted him about it. "You might be great at pretending to enjoy yourself Enjolras, but I can see right through it. What's wrong?"

Enjolras had looked at Courfeyrac in surprise and then admitted to him that Combeferre was supposed to be home already and that he was worrying only a little bit. "I'm sure he's fine mon Ami", the brown-haired student said, "This is Combeferre we're talking about, he won't be doing anything rash and he's always careful and responsible. He's probably only late because he's dependent on a carriage to get him back to Paris."

Enjolras had smiled and felt a little better. It would indeed be a plausible explanation. He had joined his friends after his talk with Courfeyrac and was able to forget about his worries for the rest of the evening.

But then on Saturday there still was no sign of his friend. Enjolras had tried to focus on something else that day. He had been working on an essay due next week; he had started on the first few chapters of a book and he had been looking for a reliable and trustworthy print shop with Bahorel in the afternoon. It had derived his focus on Combeferre for a while, but now he was alone in their apartment and the sun was setting and Combeferre still wasn't home.

Enjolras had been pacing the room practically all evening. His mind was wandering and he couldn't help but think of all kind of horrid things that could've happened to his friend. He had been so focused on Combeferre that night, that he simply didn't think of eating and sleeping also proved difficult.

Sunday had not been very different from the Saturday, except now Enjolras had nowhere to be and he was sitting alone in his apartment all day. Most of the time, he found himself staring out the window, absentmindedly looking for a bespectacled student trudging his way home. Even his studies couldn't keep his mind from worrying about his friend.

Enjolras had to admit: he had never felt like this his entire life. He was a logical man, down-to-earth and he rarely panicked. But the extended absence of his best friend and his currently unknown location had Enjolras' mind spinning and his stomach clenching. He felt physically sick whenever he allowed his thoughts to travel to a life without Combeferre; thoughts that kept diving up the longer his friend stayed out.

* * *

It was Monday morning now and Enjolras woke up to the sound of a knock at the door. He sprang up and flied towards the door, hoping it would be his best friend on the other side. It wasn't. Courfeyrac noticed the disappointed and panicked expression on Enjolras' face. "Still no sign of Combeferre then?" he asked tentatively.

Enjolras shook his head and stepped aside to let his friend in. "It's been two whole days, Courf. He should be here by now! I think I'm going to look for him." Then his face immediately fell, because he had no idea where to start looking. He cursed himself for not knowing where his roommate went. _You should've asked him. You could've gone with him. What if something happened; what if he doesn't come back home? It would be partly your fault_.

A gentle hand shook him out of his self-blaming thoughts. "You're freaking out over nothing Enjolras. Two days is not that long. You said yourself you didn't know where he went, it could be a longer travel. And the weather hasn't been all that pretty either. He'll be back home soon, you'll see. Try to stop worrying."

Enjolras only shook his head. Courfeyrac noticed the dark circles under his blonde friends' eyes and his pale face. "Have you slept at all this weekend? You look exhausted", he said carefully.

"I'm fine", came the short, dismissive response.

Courfeyrac frowned skeptically but didn't say more about it. "Alright, well, I've come here to pick up the pamphlets you wanted me to spread today and to tell you that Bahorel and Feuilly will also be attending the meeting this afternoon ."

Enjolras nodded and walked over to his desk, shoving away the mess of papers and books in search for the pamphlets Courfeyrac meant. "Ah, I've got them", he said, handing them over. "I'll see you this afternoon then." He practically shoved Courfeyrac out of his apartment. He wasn't in any mood to be told that he had to take better care of himself. He wasn't a child.

"Patience Enjolras, God, I'm already going!", Courfeyrac exclaimed indignant. Before he left, he shot a look back at his blonde friend. "Get some rest, you look awful. And stop worrying!"

Enjolras closed the door behind his friend and leant against it. _Stop worrying_. But he couldn't stop worrying, no matter how hard he tried. He needed his friend home now. Most of the time he had left before the meeting started was spent once again in front of his window. By the time the clock struck four, he was biting his nails and anxiously drummed his fingers on his desk. _Come on 'Ferre. Please come home._

Reluctantly he left for the meeting, sunken so deep in thought he forget to take his speech and his jacket. "Enjolras! You're late", Bahorel piped up when the blonde arrived at the Café. "Has Combeferre returned home already?" The question was casual enough and when Enjolras looked Bahorel in the eyes he saw no sign of concern. _Am I really the only one who's worried?_

"No, he's not home yet and I'm sorry for being late, I was busy". His eyes met those of Courfeyrac and he saw the disbelieve in them. "Let's just start alright, I have an essay to finish, so I don't have too much time today."

"You realize this meeting was your idea, right?" Feuilly said, which earned him an angry glare from Enjolras. "Just saying.."

Everyone noticed Enjolras wasn't himself during the meeting. He was easily distracted, his speech was not as well prepared as usual and he didn't take part in the discussions. When he left the meeting, Courfeyrac offered to accompany him back home, which Enjolras unsurprisingly refused. "I'm fine Courfeyrac, I told you that. I'm just busy and I don't want to be distracted." Reluctantly the other let him go. He was starting to worry now, wishing Combeferre back home soon. _He needs you_.

It took only a day and a half more for the rest of the Amis to ask themselves worriedly what was keeping Combeferre. By that time, Enjolras was full on panicking. He didn't eat, he barely slept and he was starting to feel sick. Courfeyrac visited his blonde friend more frequently now, checking up on him and making sure the worry for his roommate wasn't causing him to do anything stupid. Well not anything more stupid than wearing himself out more than he was already doing.

* * *

It was on a Thursday evening that Courfeyrac actually had to force food down Enjolras' throat, after he had nearly passed out following a full blown panic attack. When he had finally managed to calm his friend down a little, he sat by him as he coaxed Enjolras into eating the broth he had made. "Something is wrong Courf. I can't do this, I have to go look for him. I have to find him. I can't do this without him."

Courfeyrac was on the verge of answering his blonde friend when both of them heard a key turning in the lock. The door opened to reveal a very guiltily looking Combeferre. He looked worn and tired, but otherwise okay.

Enjolras was momentarily frozen in his seat before running over towards his friends and pulling him in a tight embrace. Combeferre dropped his stuff and returned the hug. He wasn't surprised by Enjolras' sudden emotional outburst. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I'm late", he mumbled in his friends' hair. He noticed Enjolras was shaking fiercely and when he pulled back tears were clouding his piercing blue eyes. Combeferre shook his head sadly and pulled his friend back in his arms. "God, I'm really sorry."

Enjolras didn't say anything. He didn't trust his voice and it took all his effort not to fully break down right this moment. He just relished in his friends embrace, feeling the tension and worry of the past days slowly leave him. When he finally got himself to calm down, he pulled back from Combeferre and scanned his body for injuries. "Are you alright?"

Combeferre guided his unsteady friend towards the sofa, pushing him down next to Courfeyrac, who hadn't moved at all during his friends quiet display of affection. He smiled at Combeferre, showing his own feeling of relief. Combeferre took a seat in front of his two best friends. "I'm fine. Really, I'm not injured. God, Enjolras, I know you must have been worried sick, I'm sorry", he said again.

Enjolras only nodded and cast his head down for a second. "What happened? Why are you so late?" he asked weakly. He suddenly felt utterly spent, the days without sleep and food finally catching up one him now that his worry and fear was gone. His head was spinning and he was nauseous.

"Well first of all, the child of those people I visited was sicker than they had expected, so I stayed there two days longer than planned to make sure she was going to pull through and then I had trouble with finding a ride back to Paris and when I finally found a ride back home we had to stop somewhere halfway because of the weather and it just took all much longer than I expected an I'm really sorry. I came as soon as possible."

Enjolras nodded and smiled tightly. He didn't really care now that Combeferre was home and okay. Courfeyrac could practically feel the tension flow away from his blonde friend and he smiled knowingly at Combeferre. "Well, that's good to hear. You've missed quite a lot you know and you've had all of us worried, although I don't think any of us matched the level of Enjolras here."

Enjolras had closed his eyes and felt a small smile tugging at his lips. "I'm just really glad you're back 'Ferre", he mumbled. Combeferre took in the posture of his younger roommate. He frowned and then said: "I think it's time for you to get some sleep, you don't look too good."

"Tell me about it", Courfeyrac snorted, while standing up and grabbing his coat. "He's been wearing himself out for over a week now. He has probably literally worried himself sick, you know." It was meant as a joke but it turned into shocking reality when Enjolras crashed to the floor unconscious after trying to stand up.

Enjolras felt the world tilting dangerously when he pushed himself up to let Courfeyrac out of his and Combeferre's apartment. _This is not good_, he thought as he tried to steady his footing. He knew he failed when the floor suddenly rose very quickly. He was already out cold when Combeferre and Courfeyrac called his name.

* * *

It took Combeferre a good five days of nursing Enjolras back to health. He had been burning with fever only hours after he had passed out and he was barely coherent for the first two days. Drifting in and out of consciousness while Combeferre tried to get the fever down and coaxed him into drinking water. It took two days of feverish nightmares in which Combeferre never came back and Enjolras couldn't help but break down completely .

When the fever finally broke on the third day, Combeferre was exhausted. It was the first time since a week that the blonde slept peacefully and the medical student followed suit.

It took another day for Enjolras to get enough of his strength back in order to stay awake longer than half an hour. "You are unbelievable you know that?", Combeferre said silently while forcing Enjolras to eat at least half of the soup he made. "How can you completely discard sleep, food and well, all your basic needs in general, for a whole week? Do you see how unwise that is?"

Enjolras only shrugged, looking away. _It's like talking to a child_, Combeferre thought frustratingly. "It's stupid Enjolras", he said sternly. This earned him an angry scowl from the blonde. "I was worried 'Ferre. You were gone a week longer than you said you would be!"

"So? That's not a reason to neglect yourself Enjolras!", Combeferre exclaimed a little louder than he wanted to.

The blonde revolutionary looked at Combeferre defiantly. Then his shoulders slumped and he averted his eyes. He knew his friend was right. "I'm sorry", he mumbled.

They were both silent for a moment. It worried Combeferre that his own wellbeing could effect Enjolras so badly, but it was also flattering in some way. He never doubted Enjolras' love for him, but he only now realized how deep that love actually went. He sighed and smiled at his younger, but oldest, friend.

He then reached out and gently squeezed his shoulder. "Guess you're just going to need a babysitter next time I leave, now don't you?" he said jokingly.

Enjolras glared at him, but then smirked. He knew they were okay. He yawned tiredly and closed his eyes. "I'd rather have you not leave again", he muttered. And with that he fell asleep.

_(So there you go. I hope the Amis were in character. Please feel free to let me know if you liked this story. I'm very eager to know your opinion. Plus, new ideas for one-shots are always very welcome.)_


End file.
